Let’s talk about me and what’s been going on in my life.
I’m going to be real with all of you. Whoever is reading and whoever follows me on Instagram, you all know that IG is made for us ”influencers” to showcase what is going best in our lives and only that. That’s what it is used for. To just showcase the best picture that can capture the best moment in that time. But for me I haven’t posted in a long time.
I know a good amount of people will say what is going on in their lives and talk about how things like this happen all the time. But I’m here to not post a picture and have a caption say exactly that, but i’m here to document exactly what’s been going on with my life and why I haven’t been active on there or any of my social media at all. I’m here to tell you everything that I can about what is going on in my life.
I have lost almost all my motivation to train, get up and eat on time and hast almost all discipline. I’m here to tell you that getting demotivated and losing discipline happens to the best of us. Even those ”influencers” make it seem like they have everything together on their social media. They have their ups and downs but, from what it seems in my opinion, is they’re always afraid to show that side of them because that would make them lose face. I feel that if they do show that side, deciding to be that open and vulnerable, they will lose following and they would think that a lot of their followers and clients would not be there anymore because all of those people would lose trust in him/her because they were their motivation because they weren’t on top of their training program or diet.
Honestly, a great example of this is Joey Swoll. Early last year he took a huge leap and was very vulnerable. For those of you who don’t know who he is, he is a fitness influencer and a very creditable trainer. Early last year he came out on Instagram and posted something that no one expected him to say and post on his social media. He stated that he is a recovering addict and that it has been an ongoing battle for quite a while. I have been following him for about 7 years now and I was just like another one of his followers that looked up to him. Not knowing that he was struggling with opium addiction.
I would have never guessed that in a million years considering that all of his posts are about him living his best life as a trainer and an influencer. But again guys, you can’t judge a book by its cover. So when he opened up and posted this, I was shocked but also very proud of him for going as far as he did to let everyone know that even someone like him who has over 2 million followers on Instagram, to be struggling with something like this. But this is what I was talking about saying you can’t judge people by their posts. You never know what he/she is going through on the other side of their posts.
I too am struggling with an addiction, and it’s a lot harder to stop than I thought. Just like every other person this last year in 2021 and going into 2022, vaping became really popular. I didn’t think anything of it, and all the side effects that everyone was telling me about never hit me, or so I thought. They said it kills your appetite, you lose motivation, lungs get weaker. I brushed it off thinking, ”Naaaaah I’m built differently; that won’t happen to me!” Man was I wrong! I noticed that I was working out less and just stopped eating right. I went from eating 5 times a day to 1 or 2 times a day. I’m still struggling to eat enough even as we speak. I still struggle to even eat 3 times a day.
The only thing I can do is take each day at a time. Work on me and keep my mind focused on my goals. Make sure that I don’t put me in situations where it would take me away from my goals and where God is taking me in my life.
This is also the smallest I have ever been since living in the Philippines, but even then I was small and didn’t feel great. But I didn’t smoke or drink at all and I was training 2 times a day. My diet was actually very good. I was eating very healthy and more than 5 times a day. I would wake up every morning with a goal in mind, passion for what I do, and loved putting in work for my clients.
People might say I have Body Dysmorphia, but in all honesty, I don’t. I have seen myself when I was in the best shape of my life and that there is my expectation for myself. It’s not that I have Body Dysmorphia, it’s that I have very high expectations for myself and I know where I can go and where I can take my body and my mental health to.
Just like you, I have my low days and high days. But as of recently, it’s been mostly low days. I’m not sharing this with you to get sympathy or trying to just brush it off and tell you ’starting tomorrow everything is going to be different!’ I’m here to show you that I can be transparent and share with you what I’m going through and why I’m going through the trails that I’m going through.
100% this was something that I could have controlled in the beginning and if I simply said no to the first I took a hit of a vape that all of this could have been avoided. We all make mistakes and our job is to learn from it and to make sure we don’t put ourselves in situations that could potentially make us make the same mistake again. But we are human so it’s going to happen at some point. No matter how strong-willed you are it’s going to happen at some point or another.
So for me, this is my first step in taking accountability for myself, my actions, and my mistakes that put me in this situation this last year and a half. It pains me to say but I have clients that are living a healthier and more disciplined lifestyle than me. And I’m the one telling them that to eat and what to train; always getting on them for not eating a certain amount of times a day. But here I am being a hypocrite and not working out or eating enough. I’m honestly losing weight on a weekly basis and lost a lot of muscle too.
So from here on out, I will keep everyone up to date on how my health and addiction are going. I just want to be transparent with everyone to show you all that stuff like this happens to even your trainers. I know we are supposed to be all of our client’s motivation because they all look up to us for fitness advice, dieting advice, and a lot of times just advice in general.
I hope reading this sheds some light on what I’m going through along with hundreds if not thousands of others are going through as well. Again slumps like this one I’m in happen to the best of us, and we can’t blame anyone for putting us in this situation except for ourselves. the only thing we can do is learn from what we have been doing and try our best to not put ourselves in these situations and adapt.
